Right, let's talk about the promises.
If I had a pound for every man who has told me he could show me "magic," or that he could take me somewhere close to heaven, I would be retired by now. Comfortably. Probably with a villa somewhere warm and a very good wine collection.
The compliments come thick and fast too. You're sexy. You're hot. You're beautiful. You're the most attractive person they've ever seen. And look, I'm not going to pretend it isn't nice to hear. It is. For about thirty seconds.
Because here's the thing -- it doesn't take long to figure out where all of it is heading. Every single bit of it. One direction. You know the one.
Just this evening, out of absolutely nowhere, I got a message. "Can't stop thinking about kissing every inch of your exquisite body." Now, I'm not saying it isn't exquisite. But he hasn't seen it. He is working entirely from imagination and a few photos. So what he actually can't stop thinking about is a body he's invented in his head. Romantic, isn't it.
I'm not a prude. I love a bit of naughty banter and flirting as much as the next woman. But here's where it all falls apart.
The day you're not feeling great? Watch what happens.
Those same men who were leaning on you for sympathy two weeks ago, who were telling you how rough their day was, who expected you to listen and be warm and supportive -- suddenly have absolutely nothing to say the moment you're the one who needs it.
I had one recently, someone who had been very heavy with the unreciprocated emotional stuff, respond to me saying I wasn't feeling well with "Don't really know what to say."
Don't really know what to say.
Not a sad face. Not a "get well soon." Not even a GIF. Nothing. Because I wasn't being fun or flirty or available, so what was the point?
So here it is, ladies, and I mean this genuinely -- if you're wondering whether a guy is actually worth your time beyond the odd date and a bit of online chat, stop performing. Have a bad day. Tell him you're not feeling well. See what he does with that.
We are not required to be upbeat and available and endlessly entertaining. We don't have to show up glowing every single time. And if the second you don't, he goes quiet -- he was never actually interested in you. Just the version of you that was useful to him.
You don't have to be in love with someone to show basic care. It costs nothing. And if he can't manage even that, then honestly? He's not worth the data you're using to text him.