So a day into online dating and I am already losing interest.

I mean we have a wide selection to choose from but NOT a good selection.

Too young, too old, too weird, too cocky, too boring, too married (yes I’ll come back to him later) the list went on and on.

I just wanted to fancy someone again. Was that too much to ask?

I don’t need a man but I want to find one I want.

If I can even remember what that feels like.

I decided before I gave up I would check out all the likes I had received.

Nope, nope, nope 200 more nopes. Then a new one came in. I opened it and bang!

Yes please. He was gorgeous!!!!

Literally my dream man.

I liked him back and held my breath.

Oh oh a chat arrived.

Its him. Yah!!
He is super pleased we matched.

We chat for a bit and then he suggests we move on to Whatsapp.

I’m thinking hell yeah!

Started off friendly enough, had any dates yet? Any funny stories?

Sends me another pic, asks for one of me.

Then the flirting goes up a gear.

Then another

And another

Then boom Dick pic.

Admittedly if it was genuinely his dick, he had a reason to be proud, but shouldn't you check to see if the other person wants that sort of photo first?

That was a rhetorical question, of course you should.

Now this should have been a big red flag and I know you are all reading this smacking your foreheads and muttering about my stupidity.

Hear me out first before you judge too harshly, I am new to all this remember, not just online dating but dating in general.

I am beyond rusty.

I think the rust may have made some parts drop off.

The man also could say nice things when he wasn’t being as dirty as hell and even when he was, it wasn’t nasty.

He was soooo gorgeous.

Too gorgeous it turns out, but I am rushing ahead here. Let's take it a step at a time so you can feel the deep level of doubt and despair and over analyzing I went through.

Yes, the humiliation is real.

A couple of days in, it is clear that despite his occasional promises of getting to know me better, I am here for his titillation only.

Yet I have not completely admitted this to myself.

Also I am thinking if he looks that good maybe I don’t care.

He definitely floated my boat, which as you know I was afraid was a wreck at the bottom of the Mariana trench, never to be retrieved and definitely not seaworthy.

Added to the mix, I hadn’t slept more than 3 hours a night for the last 4 nights and sleep deprivation was affecting my mental health.

It was time to call in the big guns, I needed a BF to get my head back on straight.

Once the kids were in bed it was catch up time.

We laughed ourselves silly, I got to share all the pics and the chats and we ripped them to shreds (figuratively).

It did me the world of good and I put everything into perspective.

It reminded me why I started this in the first place.

To have fun!!!!

Although, by nature I over think EVERYTHING, I had to remember to just have fun and try and go with the flow.

So the next morning, I put him on the spot.

He then gave lip service to making himself free to meet me, before switching straight back to dirty talk.

Nah!! I was done with that. So I just went about my day.

Shockingly I never heard from him again and he ignored my ‘morning’ text the next day.

What did we learn from this?

As it happens I learnt how to search for a photo on the internet. What did I discover, I discovered that the man of my dreams, actually existed just not on this dating app.

He was a very happy individual who was sick of people stealing his profile pictures to take advantage of other people.

Damn he’s fine.

I still follow his real Instagram account occasionally just to look at him.

Truly he is that yummy.

I completely get why people are stealing his pics.

Anyway to save other poor women from themselves I reported the catfish to the app and they threw him off.

Another skill I have learnt.

At this rate I’ll be an expert in a month.